mission statement impossible

A mission statement... it sounds like something Father Junipero Serra signed before he was allowed to start mixing stucco for his string of missions. “I, Father Junipero Serra, will not harm or damage this property, and if the land owner deems there is sufficient damage done, my security deposit of 20 burros will not be returned to me.”

I don’t really know what a mission statement is. Every time I’m required to write one (for instance for this blog) I want to run out and hire a grownup to interpret what I’m trying to say.

Here is one off the top of my head: 

“I don’t know what my mission statement is. For godsake, if I knew what I wanted I would be a well-adjusted millionaire.”

Here is a mission statement a grownup would write (if I was one):

“My mission is to champion others with my unique perspective. To grow personally and professionally and enrich and enhance other’s perspectives using my humor and compassion to make the world a smaller place.”

Do you know what this means? I don't. But I did use a lot of grownup words.

Here is what I would write if I just came from therapy:

“I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what you want. But I think we’re more alike than we think we are. The more I know about you and the more you know about me… it makes us closer. And I will feel less alone in the world. And when we honk at each other in traffic I will be more tolerant and kind because I wrote a blog today and didn't explode for lack of a creative outlet and you are more understanding and calm because you read a funny blog.”

And here is what I would write if I was talking to myself:

“Just f**king write! Feel proud of yourself for a change! Stop writing to fill up microsoft word files on your computer that no one else sees! Get your work out there! Be heard! Stop being a baby!”

My inner voice is a bad ass.

A writing teacher once said, “Just write and you’ll find what you want to say.”

So I try to write everyday. And now I've found a forum. Though my mission statement is a little wonky I am standing on my cyber soapbox. It is a big step. Perhaps this blog will lead me to that one topic that is inevitable or obvious to everyone but me. So I’m throwing it all out there. I expect this blog to evolve from “a blog about a girl starting a blog” to “a blog about something I learned while writing a blog about a girl starting a blog.”

In college I used to see a lot of foreign films. Then I would read the review and think “So THAT’S what they were trying to say.” So as I write about future topics or try other formats or even rant just to vent… perhaps you will read them and think “So THAT’S what she’s trying to say.” And then I will read your comments and think, “So THAT'S what I’m trying to say.” And if we come up with an ironclad mission statement together, there might be 20 burros in it for you. 

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the perris hiltin nekkid conspiracy

So my joy at finally finding a blog name... Blogly Wogly was dashed when my fiance pointed out I should use Bloggly Woggly because its more fun... like Piggly Wiggly. And I agree. (though try typing it really fast) But I had registered my blog under Blogly Wogly. Easy fix, yes? I put Bloggly Woggly in the system to check availability and it came up... AVAILABILITY TAKEN. 

Huh? There's someone out there as obscure as I am?

So I checked out the existing Bloggly Woggly blog site and it took me to a page that was the cyberspace equivalent of a vacant lot. I looked closely and it was indeed a site. Amid the cold war green background there were pictures and some text. The blog itself wasn't titled "Bloggly Woggly" that was just his blog address.  The title of his blog was: "ANCIENT SECRITS REVEALED - PERRIS HILTIN NEKKID" (yes, I did type it correctly)

Now as a blog novice I'm in no position to judge but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the blog was about. There are pictures of X's on trees, random graffiti and I think a cannon. He describes "a vast kinspiricy" and goes on to mention "if you came to this site lookin for perris hiltin nekkid, you done wrong and you know it." I feel like I wandered on to a blog site for a Hatfield or a McCoy. There are five posts ranging from 14 Maart 2006 to 22 April 2006. (yes, Maart, perhaps he's a Scandinavian Hatfield)

My fiance thinks I should approach this (I'll call him a) man and ask if he'd mind using another blog address since he doesn't use Bloggy Woggly at all. (I wonder if Perris Hiltin Nekkid is taken) But I don't think I want to. First, he can't spell which means we have to talk phonetically. Secondly, he's a conspiracy person. What conspiracy? It's a big world, surely he could narrow it down. I have trouble believing in any conspiracy because I don't think people are as organized as they're given credit for. Believe it or not I'd like to think there are millions of people devious enough to overthrow the government. I can't find many who can parallel park. And if you are a conspiracist, why would you want our government or anybody else's? It's like my trashmen, I'm ever so grateful somebody else is doing that job. I think that's why it gets harder and harder to make a believable James Bond villain... who in their right mind would want to rule the world? If it was me, I'd just take over Hawaii and a couple of really beautiful islands in the Galapagos. Me with a thousand iguana and a Hawaiian plate lunch, that would be pretty nice. But certainly not worth taking over the world.

So, I googled: "What if my blog name is already taken?" They said you can contact the person directly but they will not get involved. They consider someone who posts everyday as important as someone who posts every three years.

Some say the world will end in 2012. Perhaps he's one of those conspiracists. On the bright side, his blog address will be available.

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if the blog follows me home can I name it?

Isn't that always the hardest part... the beginning? How in the world can you sum up who you are and what you have to say in a few pithy words? And then put it out there for the world to see? (or in my case a few carefully chosen friends, like the ones who have seen me drunk or know who my junior high teachers were)

Here are a few blog titles that didn't make the cut...

"Teresa's House of Blog" There was a blog I ran into called Trixie's House of Blog and I have severe blog title envy because I LOVE that title! Is it my fault I'm named Teresa? The dullest of dull names. But Trixie... it just sounds like you're going to have a good time in her blog. It all sounds slightly nasty and fun. Teresa's House of Blog sounds like I'm going to take your order and serve you lukewarm blog with a side of fries.

"As Seen on Teresa" Cause I was a TV writer in another life... see? Get it? A play on words. However... without knowing my background it sounds kind of porn-y. You could be expecting a series of photographs of me with someone on me. I like the anticipation aspect of this but when they get here and realize everybody is clothed and there are no links to girl-on-girl action there will be no RSS action for me (see, I'm learning). 

"International House of Toast" Why? Because I love toast! Who doesn't love toast? And I hate pancakes. They're all limp and doughy and redundant. It's my fantasy to start IHOT: International House of Toast. So why not use it as my ridiculous blog name like Monty Python's Flying Circus? But I went poking around the internet and found a shocking number of toast-obsessed blogs, websites and products. Who knew? Fifteen minutes ago I was unique. I dropped the idea since I wasn't planning to write exclusively about toast. Nobody wants to be a toast tease.

"Green Eggs and Blog" Well, this one just speaks for itself. Ridiculous and fun. And taken. Somebody has this blog. Bless um.

So here I am. Looking at that blank space where BLOG NAME should be. Then I remembered dinner last night at Dr. Hogly Wogly's Tyler Texas Bar-B-Cue. It's a hard name to shake.

And "Bloggly Woggly" is born. 

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